


We Gain When We Lose

by britpal



Series: The Baby Series [2]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, But with a happy ending, F/F, Kinda, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/britpal/pseuds/britpal
Summary: Nayeon and Jeongyeon look back on the regrets of their relationship, and hope what they discover can make them stronger.Sequel to The Baby, The Counsellor and Yoo Jeongyeon ft counsellor Jihyo.Also works as a stand-alone story.
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Myoui Mina, Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon
Series: The Baby Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574884
Comments: 5
Kudos: 103





	We Gain When We Lose

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy. please read the first part to this if you like but this story works as a stand alone too.

**We Gain When We Lose**

“Does it ever stop hurting?” Nayeon questioned, her voice fragile- rough, she was tired. Jihyo moved to sit up better in her chair, she was opposite the older woman, just like always, she took a moment. Her next words needed to be chosen carefully.

“Truthfully,” Jihyo began, she cleared her throat, “I think you just make room for the hurt, this pain- it’ll always be inside of you; you just get to decide how much room it gets.” Her words were slow and well thought out, just like they always had to be. “Have you had any contact? With Jeongyeon I mean.” She moved on and Nayeon froze then looked up and met her eye, then looked down at one fixed spot on the ground. 

Nayeon shifted in her seat then wiped her nose with her sweater sleeve. “No,” she swallowed and Jihyo offered a small smile- to show she could take as long as she needed, “she’s been in Japan for a year now. Got herself a new girlfriend, a model.” Nayeon sighed, the memories of her last night with her former wife came flooding through her mind at once, she blinked hard to shut them out.

“What would you say was the main cause of your marriage breakdown?” Jihyo made some notes whilst she allowed the woman opposite her to think.

Nayeon took a breath, “probably the miscarriage- we weren’t the same after that. Not many people would be the same after what we went through.” She spoke, Jihyo nodded and jotted that down quickly- the therapist knew she had to be careful, this was something that was still raw.

“What feelings followed that particular event?” Jihyo’s response of question shocked Nayeon initially but then she thought for a moment.

“Anger, mainly. On my part anyway,” Nayeon finally admitted, “I was pretty sick- I didn’t really know what was happening. They had to sacrifice the baby to save me.” She informed the woman in front of her, Jihyo nodded and rested her pen inside her notebook before closing it.

“And because Jeongyeon was your wife, she had to decide?” Jihyo asked and Nayeon nodded. “That couldn’t have been easy for her.”

  
  
  


_ Nayeon felt weak, when her eyes opened it took her a moment to realise where she was. As she tried to sit up she felt a sharp pain all over her stomach, when she reached down instantly she knew something was wrong. It wasn’t until she looked up and saw Jeongyeon stood at the end of her bed with an expression she had never seen her wife wear before that she truly began to worry. “What did you do?” She asked, tears began to fall from her wife’s eyes, she made her way round to kneel next to her bed and take her hand. Nayeon pulled her hand away. _

_ “You could’ve died, Nayeon.” She broke and so did Nayeon. _

  
  
  


“It wasn’t easy but- that was our baby, our little girl.” Nayeon informed Jihyo of something she already knew.

“Have you put yourself in her shoes? Sometimes that helps us understand the decisions those around us make.” Jihyo reasoned and Nayeon nodded, she had thought about it. Thought about every possible scenario the two of them could’ve found themselves in. “Did you ever manage to decide what decision you would’ve made?” Jihyo pressed and Nayeon shook her head. “Maybe Jeongyeon couldn’t face doing it, raising a child without you. That losing you would bring on an unbearable pain.” Jihyo spoke slowly, almost in a whisper tone. She didn’t want Nayeon to think she was accusing her of anything, the woman was allowed to feel how she felt and had every right to say how she felt.

“After the anger just came the silence, we didn’t talk. I think we were afraid we would say something that would upset the other,” Nayeon raised and Jihyo nodded- that was perfectly understandable, “we were never intimate either, sometimes she was even scared to hold me. Like if she did I would get mad.” Nayeon’s tears fell freely now. “I threw away what we had and blamed her for something that wasn’t even her fault, she was in an impossible situation and I blamed her.” Jihyo did something she rarely ever did, moved from her side of the room to sit next to her client. She held Nayeon for a moment.

“Im Nayeon, you are not a bad person for feeling angry or guilty.” Jihyo held her close again. “What you, as a pair and personally, experienced was traumatic and one doesn’t know how they will react until it happens and that’s unfortunate but that’s life.” Jihyo waited and then when Nayeon was ready she returned to her original seat across from her.

“It was worse, what came after. The emptiness,” Nayeon spoke quietly, “when the doctors told me how much pain the baby would’ve been in- I knew she had made the right decision. But the damage was already done by then. We were past any point that we could return from.” Nayeon finished and it felt like she had a weight lifted off of her chest, weirdly, she felt lighter.

“And now? How do you feel when you think about it?” Jihyo had one final question.

“Like I’m drowning- but I’m at peace, it’s quiet and I picture what she would’ve been like, whether she would have been like me or Jeongyeon. Throughout the pregnancy I always hoped she would take more of her personality than mine.” Nayeon smiled at the thought. “If I think about it then I eventually smile, smile that she’s at peace, she’s safe. She’s not with me and I don’t think that hole will ever be filled but she’s not in pain.” Another tear fell but Nayeon quickly wiped it away.

“Can I be honest?” Jihyo began and Nayeon nodded. “I think you’ve already made room from losing your daughter, the main source of your pain is losing Jeongyeon.” Nayeon felt taken back, maybe Jihyo was right. “She was your main source of security and now you don’t have that and I think it’s scarred you. Why did she leave?” She pressed, maybe she shouldn’t have, but she needed a full picture if she was going to help Nayeon fully.

“I was still angry, we weren’t communicating and I just kept telling her to leave, telling her I didn’t want her around me anymore. One day I came home and she was gone. Then I got a letter and the divorce papers a few days later.” Nayeon told, a chill running down her spine as she recounted the memory. “That was two years ago.”

  
  
  


_ Nayeon, _

_ I hope you haven’t changed address since I left. This is the only way I have left to contact you. There’s something I need you to know, the decision I made to save you over our baby girl wasn’t an easy one but there was no way I could lose you. At that time the prospect of facing life without was too much to bare, I couldn’t lose you Nayeon. You were the love of my life and seeing you so close to leaving me nearly broke me in that hospital hallway where they made me wait. _

_ I understand why you feel the way you do but I need you to understand I would make the same decision again if I ever had to. I wanted to be with you until my time came to pass and seeing you on that hospital bed, connected to all those machines was hard, it was pain I have never felt and then losing my baby, the baby we had been waiting for, broke me as well. The doctor told me if they pushed to save our little girl then she might have so much damage that she wouldn’t survive anyway. I just didn’t want her to be in pain, it wanted her to be at peace and rest well.  _

_ You were the most important person in my life and I know we can never recover from what we went through but I will always love you, Im Nayeon. _

_ Jeongyeon. _

  
  
  


“You said she moved on, have you been with anyone else since?” Jihyo asked and Nayeon shook her head straight away.

“Jeongyeon and I were together for over eight years, I couldn’t just move on. I know she did but I couldn’t; I don’t think anyone will love me the way she did.” Nayeon smiled sadly and Jihyo looked up at the clock, their session time had run out.

“Maybe try and contact her. It sounds like you both still need some closure from the events that happened, they will have a lasting impact on you both.” Jihyo spoke and Nayeon rose from her seat, she would have to think about it.

  
  
  


_ “You think lilac?” Jeongyeon asked looking at the twenty pain swabs on the wall in the nursery they were decorating. “It has to be cotton white- it’s a calming tone.” She spoke as she pointed at another one. She looked at their two dogs who were laying on the floor. “What do you two think? Lilac? Or cotton white?” She stroked them both, causing them to jump up on her, Nayeon crouched but they were a lot more careful, Nayeon didn’t realise how intelligent their two puppies were until she got pregnant, they protected her more and were always gentle.  _

_ “I think it’s lilac.” Nayeon spoke and Jeongyeon stood, Nayeon followed then Jeongyeon suddenly knelt and kissed her stomach. _

_ “And what does our little angel think?” She asks the dramatically placed her ear against her wife’s stomach, Nayeon laughed and held onto the other woman’s head. “She said lilac too. I can’t believe all three of you,” she pointed to their dogs and then Nayeon’s stomach, “ganged up on me.” She shook her head and looked at the swabs once more. _

_ “I love you.” Nayeon spoke as she hugged her wife, Jeongyeon held her gently as they stood in what would become their daughter’s nursery.  _

  
  
  


Nayeon sat on the floor, she leaned against the wall. Surrounded by lilac, she typed in the number that was attached to the letter she had received two years ago and hoped it still worked. She waited. Then it went through.

Then she heard someone answer.

“Hello?” Jeongyeon’s voice sounded tired, raspy. Nayeon guessed she had just got home- she had probably been working late.

“Jeongyeon,” Nayeon nearly broke there, just from hearing her voice and saying her name, “it’s Nayeon.” She hated how shaky her voice probably sounded.

“Oh hi,” she heard the younger woman speak through the phone, she was inside. Nayeon almost hoped someone pulled her away so she didn’t have to do this, “is everything okay?” Jeongyeon asked, Nayeon could hear a stool move, she was sitting down.

“Yeah...No...I don’t really know,” Nayeon sighed, nearly hung up the phone but decided against it, “I think I just needed to hear your voice.” She heard a sigh coming down the phone and instantly regretted her choice of words.

“That’s okay, sometimes I just want to hear your voice too.” Her ex-wife admitted and Nayeon smiled, it was a small smile but it was still there. “Listen, I know we both have some things we need to say. Some of it might not be pretty but I don’t want to do it down the phone- I’m coming back for a couple of days to visit my parents maybe we could meet?” She proposed and Nayeon felt a tear fall, she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet.

“Let me know when you’re here.” Was all she could manage.

“I’m glad you called, I’ve been meaning to but could never actually do it, I’ll see you soon.” Jeongyeon hung up the phone and Nayeon felt exhausted, she rested her head back against the wall behind her and rested her hands on her knees, cupping her face and she let out a few deep breaths.

  
  
  


_ “You know if you want to marry me, all you have to do is ask.” Nayeon told her girlfriend as they laid in bed. Jeongyeon had managed to get away from work early and Nayeon was on break from her preschool teaching role and they had certainly made good use of their time together. _

_ “We’d have to buy rings.” Jeongyeon spoke, Nayeon traced her finger over her girlfriend’s naked back and just felt her rise and fall as she breathed. That was something she didn’t realise until she met Jeongyeon; love didn’t need to be a grand gesture all the time, she felt best when she was just with her lover like this, in bed, close. Together. _

_ “Are you saying I’m not worth a ring, Yoo Jeongyeon?” She teased and her girlfriend laughed, turning onto her side to face her. She leaned in to kiss her gently. _

_ “You’re worth a thousand rings.” She laughed as Nayeon rose from the bed in their room. “I love you.” Jeongyeon spoke, her girlfriend turned back around and cupped her face as she kissed her before heading to their en-suite. Jeongyeon waited for the door to shut before she opened her bedside table’s drawer and pulled out the little blue box inside, looking over the ring once more. _

_ Nayeon felt a pair of hands creep around her waist as she brushed her teeth, she leaned down to rinse her brush. “Someone’s clingy.” She spoke and saw Jeongyeon pouting in the mirror. _

_ “Is that a problem?” She asked as she pressed her front against Nayeon’s back more, she knew what she wanted. Nayeon turned around to face her. _

_ “Not a problem, not one bit.” She leaned to connect their lips and draped her arms over her girlfriend’s shoulders as they kissed. _

  
  
  


Over the next few days Nayeon felt butterflies in her stomach, she didn’t even know when Jeongyeon would be back in Korea and she was already nervous. Maybe that was what was making her nervous, the unknown. She could knock on her door any moment and that terrified her. Her ex-wife had a habit of doing that, arriving unexpectedly and changing everything; it happened the first time they met as well. Jeongyeon walked into her life ten years ago and nothing was ever the same again. 

  
  
  


_ Nayeon hated school fundraisers, she loved helping raise money for her school and the kids but she couldn’t bare the thought of being stuck around families for her entire Saturday whilst she served refreshments. “Is Momo coming?” Nayeon asked her friend, Mina, who she had roped in to help her. Mina wasn’t a teacher, she was a nurse at the local hospital and Momo and her had been dating for a couple of months now. _

_ “She is,” Mina smiled as she handed a little boy a bottle of water and took his change from his small hand, “and she’s bringing a friend from her company.” Momo worked as a choreographer, sometimes she helped in action movies. Her and Mina met when she took a fall during work and had to go to the emergency room. “And don’t give me that look.” Mina pointed at Nayeon’s scrunched up face. “I’m not trying to set you up.” Her friend defended and Nayeon decided to drop it. _

_ “Good,” Nayeon handed out some chips to few students she recognised but had never taught, “because I’m not looking for anything right now.” She finalised and Mina nodded, she knew that and respected it. “Will you be alright for a few minutes? I need to go and freshen up.” Mina nodded and waved her off, Nayeon needed five minutes of air, needed to get away from the chaos that was school fundraisers.  _

_ As she walked towards the bathroom she noticed some smoke coming from a passing window, she went to investigate and sighed when she saw a woman she didn’t recognise smoking. “You can’t smoke here.” Nayeon spoke, she opened the door to let anymore smoke out and the caught eyes with the woman. Yeah, she would definitely remember if she had met her before. “There’s literally a sign that says no smoking right above you’re head.” The woman chuckled as she put out her cigarette. _

_ “Look, I’m sorry, I just needed a break from all those screaming kids.” The woman spoke as she leaned her back against the wall. Nayeon walked out and joined her, the door shutting behind her. _

_ “You don’t like screaming children yet you came to a preschool fundraiser?” Nayeon asked and both women laughed and the irony. The woman looked at her watch, to check how long she had been away for, Nayeon noticed it looked expensive. _

_ “My friend dragged me here, she came to see her girlfriend whose working on the refreshment stalls. She told me the girl working with her was single and although I tried to tell her I wasn’t interested in anything right now she insisted I came.” The woman spoke and Nayeon laughed, loudly, so loud it scared the other a little. _

_ “Sorry,” Nayeon tried to stop herself, “you know Momo?” She asked and the woman nodded. “I’m the single girl from the refreshment stall.” Nayeon finished and now both women laughed at the situation they were in. _

_ “Nayeon?” She tried to gather from memory and smiled when the woman stood next to her. “Wow, this is a little crazy, I’m Jeongyeon by the way.” She stuck her hand out and Nayeon shook it. _

_ “Mina told me she wasn’t trying to set me up but clearly that was a lie.” Nayeon thought out loud and noticed how the woman next to her laughed again. “What?” She asked and Jeongyeon shrugged. _

_ “Well, they’re both as bad as each other.” She continued the joking and they laughed again. “They’re kinda perfect for one another.” She mused and then sighed. _

_ Nayeon never wanted to forget the woman next to her. _

_ Jeongyeon. _

  
  
  


The weeks following passed slowly for Nayeon, she worked, went home or went to work out, then slept. It was a cycle, one that she was starting to hate a little. Sure, she loved her job as a preschool teacher but maybe she needed a change, a change of scenery or even career. 

She even had her resignation written up, she was ready to leave. That was until the Principal told her she was retiring and wanted Nayeon to replace her. So now, somehow, she found herself inside  _ Henley’s  _ bar being congratulated by all her colleagues and a few friends. Nayeon chose the bar herself, it was one she came to often. She hadn’t been in a while, not since her and Jeongyeon had separated. 

  
  
  


_ Nayeon wasn’t a lover of alcohol, never saw the thrill of drinking so much that you couldn’t remember the night before the next morning, however she did like going and socialising with friends so she made a compromise. No clubs, but bars were okay. Which was how she, Mina and Momo ended up in Henley’s, a new bar that had just had it’s opening. Nayeon knew from the moment she arrived her two close friends were up to something. Which was confirmed when Jeongyeon walked into the bar shortly after the three of them had arrived. “I thought you weren’t trying to set me up.” Nayeon spoke and Mina shook her head. _

_ “I take it back, she’s perfect for you.” Mina just managed to say before Jeongyeon reached their table. At first it was a little awkward sitting so close to someone she didn’t really know that well in a small booth but as the night grew she got more comfortable. Nayeon learned that Jeongyeon was a producer and was one of the top recruits in her field after graduating university. She was impressive but that didn’t mean she wanted to date her. _

_ After a while of drinking and exchanging stories Mina decided to call it night. “We better get going, this one,” she pointed to Momo, “has an early start tomorrow.” Mina and Nayeon exchanged hugs as they parted ways. “Text me!” Mina called as she closed the door to the taxi. _

_ “I should probably get going as well.” Nayeon spoke as her and Jeongyeon stood leaning against a wall outside the bar, it mimicked the way they had first met. _

_ “I’ll walk you home.” Jeongyeon spoke and Nayeon shook her head. She didn’t want this to lead anywhere it really shouldn’t be leading. “I insist,” Jeongyeon picked up on her hesitation, “Momo would kill me if anything bad happened to you on my watch.” Jeongyeon gestured for Nayeon to lead the way and so she did, with a small huff first to let the woman with her she wasn’t completely happy with what was happening. _

_ They walked in relative silence for a while, Nayeon slightly ahead. She stared at Jeongyeon when she went to light a cigarette but once they caught eyes she stopped and put her lighter away. “Those things will kill you one day.” Nayeon spoke, it was cold now, she could see her breath in front of her as she spoke. _

_ “They help me relieve stress.” Jeongyeon countered and smiled when Nayeon stopped dead in the middle of the pathway. _

_ “They won’t relieve your stress when your lung collapses.” She scolded and Jeongyeon felt sorry for her students if they ever stepped out of line. _

_ “Fine then no smoking around you.” Jeongyeon spoke and Nayeon nodded and smiled, showing her appreciation. “How far is your apartment?” Jeongyeon asked, it was cold out. _

_ “Another minute or so.” Nayeon’s hands felt like ice in her pockets. “You can call a cab if you want.” She suggested and Jeongyeon pouted as she thought. Nayeon thought it was cute but would never admit it to her. _

_ “Will do, but I’m still walking you home.” Jeongyeon pulled out her phone and made a quick call. It was late and was going to take an hour for a taxi. _

_ “Well, I guess I’ll see you soon.” Nayeon arrived outside the side door that led up to her apartment. She got a good deal on it, and it meant she didn’t have to walk all the way through her building, just up some steps to get home.  _

_ She turned to leave and saw Jeongyeon pull out her phone and shiver and she looked down at it. Nayeon had never been someone to take chances, take the jump as Mina would say. Speaking of Mina, she did say Jeongyeon would be perfect for her. Maybe she needed to take a jump for once and hope she gets caught. “Jeongyeon?” She spoke and the other woman turned. Nayeon stood near her door and Jeongyeon near the rood. Then Nayeon walked closer and took the woman’s phone out of her hand and went to her contacts and put her number in before texting herself and locking the phone again. _

_ “Did you just give me your number? Without me even having to ask?” Jeongyeon smirked as she put her phone away in jacket pocket. Nayeon didn’t say anything. She waited for a second then turned and was about to head to her door when she felt a hand on her arm, so she turned and was a lot closer to Jeongyeon then she had anticipated. The taller woman pulled her even closer and started to lean down, slowly, so Nayeon had time to pull back if she wanted too. She didn’t want to. She pushed forward and took the last step and connected their lips, Jeongyeon’s hands found their way to Nayeon’s cheeks and cupped them, making sure she wouldn’t slip away.  _

_ Nayeon pulled back. “Sorry.” She apologised and took another step back. _

_ “Did you hear me complaining?” Jeongyeon asked, they both laughed then Jeongyeon stepped closer again, this time she kissed Nayeon and led them so the shorter woman was leaning against the wall next to her door. Nayeon wasn’t one to typically make out with people in alleyways but then again she also wasn’t really one to kiss someone when she’s only met them twice. Her hands tightened as she gripped onto Jeongyeon’s shirt and then found their way underneath to feel her soft stomach. “Sorry, not much of an athlete.” She joked and that just made Nayeon want to kiss her more. Nayeon didn’t say anything, instead she stepped to the side, turned and unlocked her door before offering her hand to Jeongyeon to lead them up to her apartment. _

_ She wanted to take the jump. _

_ Her lips barely left Jeongyeon’s when they got inside her warm home, it was like they were racing to see who could get the other’s clothes off the fastest. The next thing Nayeon knew was her back being pressed against her mattress, her arms pinned above her head and Jeongyeon planting kisses allover her neck. “Are you okay?” The producer asked quickly and Nayeon nodded, pulling Jeongyeon up to kiss her once more. She then turned them so she was above the other woman. “Now this is a view I could get used to seeing.” Jeongyeon teased and Nayeon leaned down to place a couple of kisses just underneath the woman’s jaw and was pleased when she heard a moan leave her throat. _

_ Jeongyeon missed her cab that night and Nayeon was late for work the next morning. _

  
  
  


Nayeon got the message, the one she was dreading and excited about all at once. Jeongyeon would be back next week and wanted to make arrangements for them to meet. Nayeon kept her reply simple, telling that because it was the summer break she was free whenever. Her phone wasn’t looked at for hours after that, she didn’t know why she was feeling so many nerves. She was with the woman for eight years but now she felt giddy, really giddy again. Maybe she just felt sick at the prospect of all their unresolved tension and feelings coming to the surface. 

She knew they would have to deal with it properly otherwise all the pain and hurt would never go away for either of them. Nayeon wasn’t sure if she was in love with Jeongyeon anymore but it wasn’t just her child they lost, it was theirs and they were married. They were an important part of each other’s lives and that’s not something that can just be swept away. She also knew they wouldn’t be able to deal with this the way they used to deal with fights when they had just started dating, or early on in their marriage, which usually ended up with one of them pressed against a wall, a bed or even a kitchen counter one time.

  
  
  


Four days later and Nayeon was sat at the table in her kitchen, the table she used to share so often with the women she was waiting. A knock on the front door sent a shiver all throughout her, she didn’t stand right away. Her feet wouldn’t allow her. She heard another knock and this time stood and made her way over, she held onto the door handle and took a deep breath before opening the door to reveal three people stood before her. 

“Hi.” Jeongyeon’s voice sounded first, she looked good. Her hair was shorter now. When they separated, she was growing it out, when they first met it was short, and blonde. Jeongyeon had brought her parents and suddenly Nayeon felt tiny, her nerves escalated even more.

“Sorry, come in.” She moved aside and all three people, Jeongyeon’s parents passed without a sound, Jeongyeon stopped and looked at Nayeon for a moment before she pulled the smaller woman into a hug. It was short, and Nayeon missed being held as soon as Jeongyeon had pulled away but it was nice to feel her once again. 

“They wanted to come, see how you were.” Jeongyeon apologised and followed her parents through to the kitchen where they were sitting at the table waiting for the other two to come through. “Make yourself comfortable.” Jeongyeon spoke under her breath and Nayeon nearly laughed. 

“You two go and talk, we’ll wait in here.” Jeongyeon’s mother spoke and ushered the two back out of the kitchen. Nayeon lead them to the living room and closed the door behind them, they both took a seat on separate couches and waited for the other to speak. 

“So how’s Japan?” Nayeon broke the silence, she noticed her the woman opposite to her shifted a little in her seat at the question.

“It feels more like home everyday, the weather isn’t always the best but I like it out there.” She explained and Nayeon nodding, trying to ignore the way her chest clenched. “How’s your job? Are you still at the same school?” She returned and Nayeon nodded and smiled before she answered.

“I got promoted actually,” she began and saw Jeongyeon wear a small smile as she listened, “I’m the new principal.” Nayeon didn’t share the details of how she was ready to quit her job and pack up her life just weeks ago. “Are you,” she paused, deciding if she wanted to ask this; didn’t know if she wanted the answer or not, “are you seeing anyone?” She asked anyway.

“No,” that wasn’t what Nayeon was expecting, her last knowledge was the Jeongyeon was dating someone, “I was, Sana, she’s a model but we ended things recently. Something about me working too much.” Jeongyeon joked, referring to what Nayeon used to tell her, but she could tell her former partner was still hurting. “You? Are you seeing anyone?” She returned and Nayeon’s palms felt clammy. 

“No.” She put simply.

  
  
  


_ Jeongyeon often thought that when you realised you were in love with someone you would have this great epiphany; it would be grand and marvellous and you’d never forget what you were doing when you realised. That was fantasy though, she knew that too, another thing she knew was that she was falling in love with Nayeon. It had only been two months since they first kissed and she had stayed over at Nayeon’s apartment, she remembers waking up the next morning and there just being peace; she liked the peace and calm that came with being with Im Nayeon.  _

_ She was in her girlfriend’s apartment again this morning, the silk sheets Nayeon had spread on her bed made her feel comforted and the smell of bacon drew her from the bed and into the kitchen to see Nayeon stood cooking wearing the shirt Jeongyeon had been wearing the previous night and nothing else. For a moment she stood and took in the sight in front of her before moving to cup her girlfriend’s butt gently and then wrapping her arms around her waist, hugging her from behind whilst cooked. “Morning.” She spoke sleepily before placing a kiss to the shorter girl’s shoulder. _

_ “Did you sleep well?” The older woman asked, setting her spatula down for a moment and holding onto Jeongyeon’s hands. She felt a smile form against her back. _

_ “I did,” she started, moving Nayeon’s hair to one side to look at a mark she had left the previous night on her lover’s neck, “you wore me out.” She teased and now Nayeon turned to face her for the first time that morning. Jeongyeon had been with Nayeon for two months now but she was still blown away by just how beautiful her girlfriend was. “I love you.” She spoke without realising before leaning into kiss Nayeon. _

_ “I love you too.” Nayeon returned and kissed Jeongyeon again. _

  
  
  


“Oh, well-”

“I haven’t been with anyone, not since. Well not since you left.” Nayeon didn’t want the woman opposite to feel guilty, it wasn’t her fault. She was just telling the truth though.

Jeongyeon shook her head, she could tell Nayeon wasn’t being malicious. “No, I get it- it was hard for me at first to as well.” She understood what her former wife was saying, they were together for eight years and it’s hard to just put that all behind and move on; especially after what they went through together. “Have you had your check-up this year? I know the doctor said you would need one every year for a while.” Jeongyeon remembered and Nayeon hated that she smiled at Jeongyeon remembering that.

“Yeah, it was all clear. They said if I wanted to carry a child I could safely.” She smiled and Jeongyeon did as well, even though they weren’t together anymore she was glad to here Nayeon was in good health now. “I’ve been seeing Jihyo, weekly.” She opened and Jeongyeon widened her eyes a little.

“Really?” She asked and then scrunched her face up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound so insensitive. It’s good you’re seeing her. I know two years have passed but a lot of the hurt is still there- for both of us.” She reasoned and Nayeon nodded, she was right. It was good she had someone to share how she was feeling with- someone who was invested in their relationship in a personal capacity anyway.

“She said the pain may never go away but we’ll make room for it,” She told and Jeongyeon nooded, that made sense, “then she said maybe, in her professional opinion, I’m at peace with losing the baby but the pain I’m still feeling is from losing you.” Nayeon revealed and Jeongyen leaned back against the couch, almost like it took her a while to process what she had just been told.

“Is the nursery still set up?” Nayeon nodded, she had pretty much accepted Jeongyeon say anything to her earlier revelation so she just watched as the woman left the living room and made her way upstairs.

Jeongyeon didn’t feel sad when she entered the still lilac room, she even smiled a little when she saw the faint marks of all the paint swatches and traced her fingers over them. Weirdly, it was this room that brought them some of the happiest times towards the end of their marriage, like when they were building the furniture and Momo and Jeongyeon were arguing the best way to do it whilst Mina and Nayeon laughed or when they were carefully placing teddy bears around so there would be enough for their little girl but also enough so the dogs could steal some if they wanted too. “She still keeps it then?” She heard her mother’s voice sound from the doorway. “I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t have the heart to take all this out if I went through what she did.” She continued and smiled sadly when she saw her daughter reach into the wooden cot and pick out a small teddy.

“She’s really strong. I didn’t tell her that enough,” she sighed and played with the arms of the teddy some more, “I didn’t do enough after. I just let her be angry.” Jeongyeon sounded mad at herself and that was something her mother didn’t want to see.

“You saved your wife’s life, that’s something. If you keep thinking about what you could’ve done you’ll never be able to move forward.” Her mother sounded wise and Jeongyeon winced, she wanted to move on, forward, but she always wished she could turn back time and be with Nayeon again. “You know, it’s been two years. I think enough time has passed.” She knew what her mother was trying to say.

“You want me to try again with Nayeon?” The question didn’t need an answer. “I don’t think she’d have me back. I still don’t know if either of us are ready to even have that conversation yet.” Her mother nodded, she understood her daughter’s position. It was a fragile matter, but that didn’t change the fact that she loved Nayeon and always thought she was the perfect partner for Jeongyeon.

“If you wait forever then it will be too late.” She returned and took the teddy out of her daughter’s hand and placed it in the cot again.

“I know, but there’s someone else I need to speak to first.” Jeongyeon felt her mother pull her into a hug as they stood in the nursery together.

  
  
  


_ Jeongyeon was running late. She was going to be late to her own wedding and it was all Hirai Momo’s fault. It was the most important day of her life so far and she was going to be late- and she had left her phone in her hotel room so had no way of reaching Nayeon or anyone at the wedding to tell them Momo’s car had broken down.  _

_ “The mechanic said they’ll be here in an hour.” Momo tried to break the news to her friend, Jeongyeon was stressed she wondered if Nayeon had thought the worst and presumed she wasn’t going to show. Momo left her phone as well, thankfully they had managed to pull up alongside an emergency phone and she was able to get through to a repair shop.  _

_ “We’re already an hour late as it is. She’s going to think I’ve run away.” Jeongyeon sat on the ground, not even bothering about her wedding outfit getting messed up as she leaned against Momo’s car.  _

_ “I don’t know what I can say to make this better, I’m sorry.” Momo sat next to Jeongyeon, she nudged her friend to show her it was okay. Deep down Jeongyeon knew this wasn’t Momo’s fault, she couldn’t have anticipated this happening.  _

  
  


_ Nayeon was a wreck and there wasn’t anything Mina could say to calm her. “She’s not coming.” She kept repeating and Mina sighed.  _

_ “Listen, I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. She wouldn’t stand you up like this. Jeongyeon loves you, Nayeon.” Mina was telling her friend all she could, truthfully she was worried that maybe Jeongyeon had backed out. Then again she saw what Nayeon and Jeongyeon had and knew that wouldn’t be the case; which meant Jeongyeon’s and Momo’s absence worried her even more. _

_ Mina took a seat and just let Nayeon pace, she wanted to tell her she would exhaust herself but she knew the bride wouldn’t listen to her anyway. “Jisoo, from class 4, she said we were rushing into this marriage. We’ve been together for four years and we were engaged for a year but maybe we’re still ready for this next step.” Mina could tell the bride was spiralling. Thankfully, the spiral ended when her phone rang, she reached into her purse and grabbed it. The number showing was one she didn’t recognise but she guessed it was someone from work. _

_ “Hello?” Mina asked down the phone and then Nayeon watched as she smiled then frowned. “What do you mean stranded?” Her eyebrows notted as she spoke and made her way to look out of a nearby window. “Well tell them to hurry, this is kind of important.” Her voice sounded firm and Nayeon could only make out sigh coming from the other end of the line. “Why didn’t you check before you left?” Nayeon knew what Mina was like when she was angry, which is why she always tried to stay on her good side. “I know, I know you couldn’t have predicted this. Look just get here as soon as you can. Okay, I love you.” Mina locked her phone and placed it back inside of her bag before turning to Nayeon. “Do you want the bad news or the terrible news?” Mina asked and Nayeon could see how pissed she was, her marriage hadn’t even begun yet but she was sure her and Jeongyeon may just cause enough stress to end Mina’s. _

  
  


_ Jeongyeon stood when she saw Momo walking back towards her. “How did she take it?” She asked and Momo sighed. _

_ “Nayeon? I don’t know but Mina was pissed.” She passed Jeongyeon and opened the back door of her car to pull out a bottle of whiskey, she flicked the top off and drank some straight from the mouth of the glass bottle. “Is it even worth it? I mean you have all this stress and spend all this money for one day and what do you have to show for it? A ring.” Momo pointed to the slim golden band attached to her left hand. “I mean you become so boring after you get married, all you do is talk about work and your sex life,” she takes another swig from the bottle, “even that becomes so vanilla. Maybe you should take this as a sign to get the hell out while you can.” Momo sat against her car and Jeongyeon sat next to her, ignoring her words. _

_ “You’re just in a rough patch right now, you don’t mean any of that. You’d rather struggle with Mina then be without her and that says a lot.” Jeongyeon reassured her friend and then decided something, so jumped up and pulled Momo up as well. “Let’s go.” She spoke and Momo just looked at her. “We’re walking.” She set off and her friend reluctantly followed behind her. _

  
  


_ Jeongyeon was exhausted when she arrived at the venue, she snuck in the back and knocked on a large door, only to be met with Mina. “You look awful.” She noted, Jeongyeon’s outfit was a little scruffy and she was sweating a little. It was understandable, it was summer and she walked for a while. “She’s through here.” Mina pointed and went to see Momo, who was hanging back. Jeongyeon looked back for a moment before fully entering the room. _

_ Nayeon turned and caught eyes with the woman who was now with her. “Before you kill me, I can expla-” Nayeon caught Jeongyeon off guard when she practically jumped into her arms. _

_ “I thought you weren’t coming and then Mina told me what had happened and I was so worried.” Nayeon pulled back and kissed her-soon-to-be wife. _

_ “I would never leave you like that Nayeon.”  _

  
  
  


Jeongyeon knew she needed to do this before she left for Japan, knew if she didn’t do it now she would back out. “Is Park Jihyo here?” She asked at the reception then heard someone clear their throat behind her. Turning, she saw Jihyo stood with a bag thrown over shoulder, disposable cup and keys in hand. She was ready to go home. “Can I have a session? Now? Please?” Jeongyeon nearly begged and Jihyo looked reluctant. “I leave the country tomorrow.” Jihyo sighed and nodded, leading the way to her room and flicking the lights back on. She pointed for Jeongyeon to sit, the older woman suddenly had thoughts of the last time she was in this room, with Nayeon.

“You know I never wanted kids, I guess my subconscious knew something I didn’t before I got tested,” she speaks, fiddling with a loose thread on the couch beneath her, it’s a new one, a similar colour to the one Nayeon had in her apartment when they first met, “then I met Nayeon and when we started to get serious I realised how much kids meant to her so I got tested and then I found out I couldn’t carry a child. It broke my heart.” She spoke and Jihyo listened, didn’t take notes, just listened. 

“And what about when you two found out Nayeon was pregnant?” She counters and it brings a smile to the woman’s face. 

“That was the happiest day of my life,” she smiles once more and so does Jihyo, “but maybe we weren’t ready to have a kid. I think deep down we hoped that having a baby would cover all the cracks in our relationship.” Jeongyeon was honest, that was all Jihyo ever asked from her clients. 

“And what about when you lost the baby?” Jihyo had to be careful, Jeongyeon knew she was just doing her job. 

“That revealed there was more cracks than we thought, then she kept telling me to leave. So I did.” Jeongyeon feels tears form in her eyes but she just about manages to keep them in, Jihyo hands her a tissue just in case. 

“Do you regret it? Leaving the relationship?” Jihyo prompts and Jeongyeon doesn’t even need a second to think. 

“Everyday.” Jeongyeon face fell as she spoke and so did her tears. “You know my friend, Momo, told me getting married would be a mistake. I guess you had more of an impact on them. They’re still together now. Stronger than ever.” Jeongyeon rambled and Jihyo let her. She smiled as she thought of her friend’s relationship. 

“Do you think you and Nayeon could ever get back to that place? Where you were strong?” Jihyo asked and Jeongyeon shook her head, a little laugh escaped from her throat. “Not the first time someone’s asked you that?” Jihyo guessed.

“My mother has been asking that for, well, ever since we separated.” Jeongyeon sighed and Jihyo smiled. “Things will never be the same. Not after what happened. What I did.” She smiled sadly, thinking about the happy times her and Nayeon shared and the fear she felt when her wife almost her life.

“And that decision? Does that stay with you?” Jihyo questioned and Jeongyeon leaned back and the smile that was on her lips faltered.

“I guess, I think I’m finally at peace with losing our daughter,” Jeongyeon announced out loud for the first time, “the thing that scared me, still scares me the most is losing Nayeon. That day, those minutes when the doctors told me what was happening, they still play in my mind now. I couldn’t come to terms with it, having a child without her. I only want to have kids if she’s there with me.” Jeongyeon explained, she sighed after she spoke. She hung her head and rested her hands against her face.

“Want to? Maybe the feelings you have for Nayeon are still there, somewhere, that’s why it’s still so painful. You cared about each other a lot, still do.” Jihyo noted.

  
  
  


Jeongyeon and Nayeon didn’t contact each other over the next three months. Everyday Jeongyeon would open up Nayeon’s contact and type a message just to delete it again. Her mother encouraged her to try and reach out to her former wife, but she couldn’t. Not over the phone, she needed to speak to her, in person, face-to-face. Her next trip to Korea wasn’t planned like the last one, this was one she knew she needed to take. Jihyo’s words were still playing on her mind; still thinking about the past and how her future could be.

She decided she wanted to take a jump, like she did when she met Nayeon.

Which is how she ended up knocking on the door of the home she used to share with Nayeon at 11:30PM. “Oh hi.” Nayeon sighed out as she opened the door and shivered as the cold air entered her home. Jeongyeon smiled at the two dogs who were jumping up to her. Her former partner was wearing a white dressing gown and looked tired.

“I’m sorry for showing up unannounced.” Jeongyeon apologised and Nayeon moved aside, the dogs following, to let her into the home they once shared. “I needed to come back, needed to see you.” She shrugged off her jacket and put it on the hook they had installed just behind the door when they moved in.

Nayeon lead them to their kitchen and poured some tea for both of them and then took a seat, Jeongyeon sat opposite her. “It’s okay. Are you visiting your parents again?” Nayeon asked and Jeongyeon shook her head as she brought the mug up to her lips.

“I came to see you, only you,” she spoke slowly and Nayeon put her mug down to give the woman her full attention, “I went to see Jihyo.” She speaks lowly and sees Nayeon smile a little. 

The older picked her mug up once again and took a sip, Jeongyeon followed suit. “Did it help? Her sessions help me a lot, with the loss and the” Nayeon stopped herself from saying the breakup, she had sprung that on her ex-wife once and she didn’t want things to turn south on her return. 

“I felt lighter, like I know the pain will never go away. That was our daughter,” she inadvertently pointed to Nayeon’s stomach as she spoke, “but then you’re- you were my wife, Nayeon. Losing you, that scared me the most. Our daughter growing up in pain worried me. I could’ve lost both of you.” She explained and sat back in her seat. “I think we had too many problems that we thought a baby could fix. We weren’t happy, not truly, before you were pregnant and the loss just amplified everything.” Jeongyeon sighed and Nayeon nodded and leaned forward, resting her arms on her kitchen table.

“We did have problems, problems that would’ve been easier to solve if you were here more.” Nayeon bit suddenly and her words stung Jeongyeon, who rolled her eyes.

“Three years on, maybe more, and you’re still on that? I had to work late; the company was on my back. I moved on from them, I did that for us. You know that.” Jeongyeon returned and Nayeon just sighed and stood, Jeongyeon followed suit.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have come here. There’s clearly still too much history, too much unresolved emotions here. Things- we should just stay out of each other’s lives. I know I said we needed to talk and move on together but I don’t think we can.” Nayeon tried to pass the taller woman but was stopped when Jeongyeon reached out and took her hand, pulling the older woman closer.

“We both know that could never happen.” She towered over Nayeon, they were stood inches from one another. Any slight movement and their lips would be connects. Their position was a mirror image of the first time they kissed outside of Nayeon’s apartment after they had walked together. Jeongyeon leaned down and grazed her lips over Nayeon’s. “Just tell me if you want me to stop.” Nayeon pulled her hand out of Jeongyeon’s and the younger woman pulled back.

“This is a bad idea.” Nayeon whispered before draping her arms over her ex-partner's shoulders and leaned up to connect their lips properly this time. The kiss they shared said everything they had tried to say to each other.

Nayeon woke up first the next morning and realised first: how cold she was, and second: the arm wrapped around her. A yawn fell from her mouth as she let the arm fall from around her waist and turned to face the woman laying with her who was still soundly sleeping. She didn’t know what her night with Jeongyeon meant, but she knew it felt right. Felt whole, once more.

  
  
  


_ Nayeon knew in her mind something was wrong. Her and Jeongyeon had been talking about having kids recently, she could sense her wife’s reluctance; then again, Jeongyeon was hardly around enough for the two of them to have a real, genuine conversation about expanding their family. She was working late. Every night Nayeon would arrive home from her school at around 7:15PM and prepare dinner, she would wait. Every night. Some nights her wife wouldn’t come in until 2AM, sometimes not at all.  _

_ “There’s this woman, her name’s Jihyo,” Momo started as they shared drinks. Nayeon had always been closer to Mina but Momo was a good friend to her also, “she’s a marriage counsellor, she really helped Mina and I when we were struggling.” She spoke and then sipped from her drink. _

_ “You really think she’ll be able to help us?” Nayeon took her drink as well, sipping quickly. _

_ “I think so, it’s good to have a third ear for your problems. One who is impartial and doesn’t know you personally. She’s incredible.” Momo continued, Mina arrived in the bar and Nayeon noticed how the women’s smiles both grew. “Hey.” Momo leaned up to press a chaste kiss to her wife’s lips. “I was just telling Nayeon about Jihyo.” Momo informed as Mina slipped in the seat next to her. _

_ “Are you and Jeongyeon thinking of using her? She was incredible for us.” Mina seemingly couldn’t speak highly enough of the woman who helped save their marriage. _

_ “Well, if Jeongyeon is ever home for long enough then yeah.” Nayeon sounded bitter, and honestly, neither of the women opposite her could blame her. _

  
  
  


Jeongyeon left soon after she woke, they didn’t talk about what had happened the night before. She realised why it never felt quite right with Sana though, nothing, nobody, would ever understand her, ever know her body, like Nayeon did. She had to had get away before she did anything else she might regret, not that she regretted sleeping with Nayeon, certainly not. There was just uncertainty of where that left them now, they were ex-wives who just hooked up and everything felt so messed up but so right at the same time. Part of her wanted to stay with Nayeon, the other part of her just wanted to run.

So she did.

She left. Went back to Japan without so much as another word to her former lover.

  
  
  


Just like the last time they met, there was no real contact for the next few months. Radio silence. Nayeon used Jeongyeon’s absence once again to finally move on, she signed up to online dating websites and matched with someone she thought would match her well - her name was Tzuyu and she taught dance to young children at a school near where Nayeon worked. Maybe she could be the one that could help Nayeon finally close the door on her relationship with Jeongyeon once and for all. 

“Well, this is me,” Nayeon spoke as Tzuyu and her walked up to her front door, their hands were held tight together, “thank your tonight.” She smiled as she stops. Her and Tzuyu are stood face-to-face. 

The younger woman smiles before speaking, stepping closer to Nayeon. “No need to thank me, I had a great time. You’re really not what I expected. I hope we can do it again sometime.” She takes both of Nayeon’s hands and leans down, gently connecting their lips. “Sorry if that’s over stepping but I’ve been thinking about doing that all night.” Tzuyu spoke lowly and Nayeon blushed but stepped back when she saw someone else stood behind Tzuyu. 

“Hey.” Jeongyeon gave both women a small wave and dropped a bag onto the ground with a  _ thud.  _

“I’ll get going,” Tzuyu let go of Nayeon’s hands and turned to walk away but then turned back around, “I’ll call you.” She smiled and then got into her car that was parked on Nayeon’s drive. 

“On a date?” Jeongyeon asked, then laughed a little, almost cursing herself. “I’m back. For good.” She spoke slowly, walking further towards Nayeon. “I landed about an hour ago and was going to come and see you and tell you I love you, never stopped and that I was sorry.” Jeongyeon spoke and Nayeon sighed. The woman in front of her looked tired, exhausted rather. 

“Jeong...I’m so-“ Nayeon started but the younger woman cut her off. 

“No. It’s okay. You moved on. You deserve to be happy, Nayeon.” Jeongyeon spoke and then pulled the older woman into a tight embrace and then pulled back, Nayeon didn’t want to let go. Wanted to hold onto the other woman forever if she could. 

But she couldn’t. 

“I’m glad you’re back, Jeongyeon.” Nayeon sighs and pulls her former partner into another embrace, even tighter this time if that was possible. She sighed again as she felt Jeongyeon’s hands rub her back as she held her. 

  
  
  


_ Jeongyeon’s mother always told that a house wasn’t a home, a home wasn’t a certain place; ratheer, home was people, a person. Nayeon had always been her home. She had felt it since they first met at the school fundraiser. Now her home was silent and her house felt like a warzone. An extra effort had been made on her part to make sure she was home at a reasonable hour to spend time with her wife. Well, sit in silence and eat dinner then go to separate rooms and not talk then sleep apart from one another all through out the night then rise at different times in the morning and repeat. The home they built together was filled with silence, Jeongyeon didn’t dare to go into the nursery- too scared she would break again if she did. Nayeon didn’t make it any easier though, a constant reminder of what she had lost and what she nearly lost. Every conversation they had seemed to come back to the decision Jeongyeon had made. _

_ She opened the door and hung her coat up before heading into the kitchen and startling a little as she placed her bag on the counter, she didn’t expect to see Nayeon sat eating her dinner, her wife looked tired. The ring on her finger shone in the light as she raised the food to mouth. “Hey.” Jeongyeon spoke with a small smile, still adjusting to the heat inside the house. “I didn’t expect you to be home. Thought maybe i’d get here first for once.” She smiled slightly as she turned to heat up the plate of food on the side. _

_ Nayeon took a sip of her drink and sighed. “Principal Kim said I looked exhausted- she sent me home at lunch.” Nayeon explained and Jeongyeon stood still for a second then moved to stand behind the seat where her wife was sat and rested her arms over her shoulders, she smiled when she felt her wife grip onto her hands and squeeze them. Jeongyeon placed a kiss on Nayeon’s temple but cringed when Nayeon stilled when her hands rested on her stomach. _

_ “Sorry.” Jeongyeon pulled back and made her way over to her now hot food. “I should’ve been more careful.” She sounded sad and Nayeon felt like crying. _

_ “No, it’s okay,” she spoke lowly and Jeongyeon smiled sadly across the table at her, “it’s just still s-”  _

_ “I know,” Jeongyeon spoke and took another bite from her dinner, “I think about it everyday. Still.” Nayeon knew she didn’t mean anything by it, but the words still stung for some reason. _

_ Nayeon moved her plate away from her and let out a puff of air. “I do too, I think about our little girl everyday.” Nayeon spoke and Jeongyeon sighed now too. _

_ “You know, I really didn’t want to make that decision.” Jeongyeon spoke out and Nayeon rolled her eyes. _

_ “Can we not talk about this right now?” Nayeon huffed and her wife sighed from the other end of the table. _

_ “When will we talk about it then? Whenever I try you snap at me and shut me out! I just want us to work through this together, Nay. You’re my wife.” She voiced, irritation was laced throughout her words. _

_ “And that was our little girl!” Nayeon rose from her seat and made her way over to the door to the kitchen. “And you can’t seem to understand why that hurts me so much.” She stormed up the stairs, Jeongyeon followed closely behind her. _

_ “And you can’t seem to see why losing you would hurt me so much.” Jeongyeon spoke as the door was slammed in her face. She didn’t leave, she sat outside the door. All night. _

_ But Jeongyeon wasn’t there when Nayeon woke up and she didn’t come home that night. All she got was a note, _

_ Nayeon, _

_ I hope this time I made the right decision. _

_ I love you, always, _

_ Your Jeong _

  
  
  


Nayeon didn’t know what to do. Her mind was in a million pieces, she called Tzuyu and told her she couldn’t see her again. Thankfully, the younger woman understood completely. Desperately Nayeon wished she could give her the love she deserved, give her her whole heart. But she couldn’t. Now Jeongyeon was back for good everything changed. Maybe there could be a chance for them.

That was how she stood outside of Jeongyeon’s parents house in the middle of the day when she was supposed to be working, special privilege of being the Principal meant she could take personal visits when she needed. There was no other place she knew Jeongyeon would be whilst she looked for something permanent on her return to her home country. 

She knocked quickly, and after four attempts, there was an answer. “Hey.” Jeongyeon croaked out. Nayeon recognised this Jeongyeon, it was the Jeongyeon who worked all night, editing the scenes to make sure the audience took the right message and emotions from the actors. “Sorry,” she looked down at her appearance and laughed a little. She was wearing sweats and an oversized shirt, “I wasn’t expecting anybody.” She apologised and Nayeon smiled.

“It’s fine, I always preferred you like this anyway.” Nayeon spoke, looking her ex-partner up-and-down and saw how a blush creeped onto Jeongyeon’s face. “I just came to say I’m sorry for what you saw the other night.” Nayeon began but then the younger woman waved her hand.

“You don’t need to apologise, you’re allowed to move on. Plus, she seemed nice.” Jeongyeon smiled, she wanted Nayeon to be happy, no matter if it hurt her or not.

“No, well, yeah. Tzuyu’s great but I came here to tell you I love you. I never stopped loving you. I only want you, Jeongyeon.” Nayeon spoke and Jeongyeon moved aside to let her former wife into her childhood home.

“Do you want tea? Coffee?” Jeongyeon asked as they both took a seat around the kitchen table. She poured herself a cup of hot coffee and smiled when Nayeon shook her head. She was never one that favoured hot drinks.

“Sorry for springing that on you earlier, maybe I shouldn’t have come here.” Nayeon was spiralling and Jeongyeon quickly kneeled next to her.

“What would you do if I told you I felt the same,” Jeongyeon spoke slowly and Nayeon couldn’t hide the smile that grew onto her face, “but if we’re going to do this we have to do it together. Properly this time, I’ll promise not to hide behind my work-” Jeongyeon spoke, her voice strong but Nayeon could tell she was emotional.

“And I’ll promise to talk through how I’m feeling and not blame you for an impossible position that you were put in. I understand now, I couldn’t face losing you like that and I know how difficult it must’ve been but if I was ever to try and have kids again...There’s only one person I want by my side.” Nayeon felt tears fall from her eyes, Jeongyeon was quick to wipe them away. “I grew up with a single parent and my mother did an incredible job but I saw how hard it was for her- for now, we take things slow and if we get to that stage again then we need to make sure we’re prepared for whatever happens because I can’t even-” Jeongyeon kissed Nayeon, kissed her hard, kissed her to say I’m sorry and I love you. Kissed her to show she understood.

They stayed in their position for a while, foreheads pressed against each other, just being with one another was enough for now.

_ They had each other once again, that was all they needed. Sometimes you need to lose to gain. _


End file.
